Because stuff needs talking about.

Daily Top 5 #1

This is an art form, sculpted and polished over many years by those in the workplace.  This is the Top 5 ways to look busy in work.

Do those little jobs always come up at work that you really don’t want to do?  Has THAT customer just walked in and you need an excuse to not have to speak to them?  Fear not comrades, for help is at hand:

5:  The ‘tie over the shoulder’ technique.  You’re obviously so busy that you don’t even have time to put your tie back down!  Whatever you’re doing has got to be seriously important so who’s going to interrupt that?  No one, that’s who.

4:  The ‘sleeves rolled up’ technique.  A look that really suggests that you’re about to tackle something big.  A look that says ‘I haven’t got time for your paltry needs punk!’

3:  The ‘looking at paperwork, occasionally pointing at bits of it and looking deep in concentration’ technique.  This, especially in the catering trade, can definitely buy you at least 10 minutes of doing nothing time but it does require a basic level of acting skill.  You’ve really got to believe in the role you are playing almost to the point of actually caring what’s on the paper.

2:  The ‘interrupt and run off’ technique:  This requires more acting than the last and is easily the most ballsy of the Top 5.  When a colleague or customer starts to ask you for something all you need to do is splutter out something along the lines of “Sorry I just…2 minutes…sorry” whilst gesturing a direction with your hand and backing off to the nearest exit.  Now they’re going to feel bad for delaying your “pressing” issue and probably won’t ask you again for another half hour or so.  People are far too nice.

1:  The ‘pen holding’ technique.  This had to be top because of the sheer simplicity and versatility of it.  All it requires is to hold a pen upright with your thumb at the top and maybe a couple of well timed clicks thrown in with it too.  People will think about asking you something and then see the pen, an obvious signifier of  work and busyness, and leave you to get on with it.  What’s even better about the ‘pen holding’ technique is that when combined with any of the other tricks it creates this infallible personification of hard work and graft so strong that customers and colleagues alike will fear to approach in case they get caught in the whirlwind of your hectic work life.

So go out and enjoy all your new found free time at work, and for God’s sake make sure you’ve got a pen in your pocket.


One response

  1. hahahaaa Very perfectly put mate……

    pen-clicking is easily number one in bullshit time-wasting at work psychology, well spotted 🙂

    January 29, 2012 at 10:26 pm

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