You got ‘out moist?
Would You Say you’re a Dry Wiper?
Have you ever come to the conclusion that toilet roll just doesn’t cut it? That you’re arse just isn’t quite as clean as it could be? No? Nor has anyone else, apart from Dawn Porter that is, and her friends at Andrex. It is this wondering that has led to the invention of the Washlet.
I say invention, really it’s just a wet wipe in a different box, like the ones that you use on babies, except this one is for adults and more specifically those who do not feel competent in the most basic field of arse-wiping. Obviously Andrex needed a relatable face to put with this new product, so of course they went for Dawn Porter, who found fame by getting naked and lezzing off on BBC3 under the thin veil of journalism. To give the adverts more of an accessible and real life Porter introduces the product and her daily reports of how the product feels. We importantly learn that Dawn classes herself as a ‘dry wiper’ (just like you and me) but is willing to try new and exciting things. On Day 1 Dawn comments ‘I wouldn’t say it’s wet, it’s moist,’ which leaves you thinking maybe this terrifying new revelation isn’t quite as scary as I first thought, and also, does that mean she’s just been for a shit? By Day 3, Dawn states that she is ‘definitely feeling fresher’. This surely brings in to question her commitment to wiping, and for me casts a shadow over the Dawn Porter character and a certain malaise towards my new found knowledge of her toilet routine.
So impressed by these baby wipes, sorry, Washlets, Dawn feels the need to take to the street to accost the unsuspecting public and ask them to wipe their arse. Unsurprisingly, the public does not really fancy talking on camera to a person they’ve never met about dry-wiping, or if they’ve ever considered alternatives, but this does not deter Porter oh no, if anything it spurs her on to break down the social taboo of bum sanitation and convert the nation to wet cheeks. And somewhere, between Dawn Porter and Andrex’s struggling advertising department, the idea is sprung to make this a series of adverts, a full blown campaign, to free the cowed, repressed nation of Britain from their embarrassment and closed-mindedness. Porter threatens ‘Anytime I do anything with this campaign I’m going to put it on Facebook’ (imagine the pictures, gross) and then reveals her intentions. What follows is another five, yes five, adverts of Dawn surprising people in a variety of awkward situations, with the best by far being the one where she tries to get men on board. This one guy on a treadmill basically he admits that he needs a shit right then and there! Hopefully he’ll make it to the toilet (with his Washletsof course) on time and doesn’t Paula Radcliffe all over the place.
So does this campaign work? Of course not. Does it break down the stigma attached to discussion of bottom sanitation and various methods of approach. Of course it does. People are now liberated and are able to discuss both the terrible advert and terrible product that address exactly that.
Still, anything for a bit of extra freshness…