Because stuff needs talking about.

Top 5 #10


Annoying Facebook Stuff

It’s not easy battling with Facebook addiction as we all well know, but it would be nice if while we we’re all indulging in our obsession, we didn’t have to put up with these annoyances.

5. Pictures of Feet:  Every Sunday Facebook finds itself flooded with floor-bound photos.  As the hangover takes its toll and I try to numb the pain with seeing how hammered everyone else was and subsequently how hungover they now will be, all I am greeted with is circle after circle of shoes.  The only thing I can hope for is for a number of people of people to have gone bowling just to breathe some originality into the monotony of heels.

4. Pictures of Jumping in the Air on the Beach:  Having already touched upon this topic in a previous Top 5 complainy list, you can see that obviously something which is dear to my heart.  As well as the obvious annoyance of the whole ‘Oh my God look how crazy I am and how much fun I have’ thing, the other part of these pictures which really grind my gears is the fact that every person involved in the jumping will then use this as their profile picture.  By choosing this picture, are we to think that you want to be seen as just a generic crowd?  As someone who is afraid to differ from their friends and also the millions of other fun-lovers who jump up and down on beaches.  Of course the person you really need to feel sorry for is the person taking the photo, they have to suffer the humiliation and loneliness of being the only person without a bullshit, pseudo-wild, organized fun profile picture.

Piss off.

3. Friend Collecting:  It seems to me that Facebook or any other social networking site has made the world regress to primary school age where people feel it necessary to count the number of friends they have and therefore judge their popularity on that.  Befriending people like estranged family members, mate’s mate’s mates, and people you’ve seen around the village is just not acceptable.  Don’t let yourself become an accessory to their stats-based happiness.

2. Fishing for Interest:  “I’ve had the worst day ever”, “Some people are just dickheads”.  Do these kind of status’ sound familiar?  And are you always intrigued to know what is going on?  Well stop, and take your hands off away from the keys. Don’t let yourself get suckered in by these ambiguous chunks of lexical bait.  If people have news that they believe is worthy of posting then say it, don’t try to raise your self-importance levels by drawing in the unwitting.  We know your game now people, and it ain’t gonna fly!

1. Life Commentary:  The worst of the worst.  The people who post every little moment of their life on Facebook, I don’t care if you’ve just got out of bed, or how nice your breakfast was, or how busy the bus might be, or what you’re having for dinner, I don’t care!  Why would anyone actually think this online daily log of normalcy would be of interest to anyone?  Have these people had their ego fed through numerous ‘pokes’ and ‘likes’ so much that they feel the lowly common folk on Facebook are desperately impatient as to what their TV schedule for the night will be?  But the worst part of it is, the really sickening part is that I sit there, reading all these tedious statuses, with hatred growing inside me, mainly at the person for wasting my precious brain space with their rubbish, but also at the knowledge that I will carry on reading, about how boring work is, about sandwiches, about whether, and about fucking TV, until I’m desperate for an ambiguous status eluding to something remotely interesting happening in someone’s life! It’s just a big circle of loathing.

So there’s my list, yes I am aware that I’m publicising this on Facebook so feel free to treat it as boring, irrelevant or self-inflating bullshit.  If you like it, make sure you add me as a friend, subscribe to the blog, like all my profile pictures, and say “What’s up hun? x” whenever I post some whiny attempt at a conversation starter.


3 responses

  1. Oh my god, agree so much with number 2. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! So annoying.

    March 1, 2012 at 9:47 pm


      what is yous peoples f***KING PROBLEM WITH A PICTURE??????

      May 11, 2012 at 8:27 am

      • The problem with these kind of pictures is that people use them to pretend to be spontaneous and totally crazy when really they are just copying what thousands of people have already done. An act which is neither spontaneous as it has to be choreographed nor totally crazy because it plays along safely with a large section of Facebook users. That’s what I think anyway.

        May 11, 2012 at 8:41 am

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