A Page from the Diary of Tiziano Crudeli (The Italian Ladbrokes Man)
Woke up with my throat hurting again. Went to Ray Winstone’s house for dinner yesterday, us faces of betting have to stick together. Not sure if I’ll be invited back again though, we played a game of Fifa and I got a bit carried away when I got my fifth corner. The wife didn’t look too impressed but what can I say? I just get a bit excited sometimes. She proper sniped at me on the way home and I got a bit angry, shouting doesn’t seem to have the same effect as it used to though.
Got home and was happy to see Sports Relief on the TV, if it was up to me there’d be sport on all the time. I offered to go Africa to do a special report and I showed them my portfolio to show what I could do but they said they wanted to go for a calmer and more sympathetic angle. I thought to myself, look at how much money my adverts get in and tell me my mild excitement doesn’t encourage the audience? Anyway, I was just in time to see that comedian that sounds like Gerrard with food in his mouth and the fat one from Take it Like a Fan. I like him, even though he does like to sleep with Beckham, and he makes me laugh, a lot. I went to bed quite late and my wife said she hadn’t slept at all because I was being too loud. She just doesn’t appreciate humour and subtlety like I do.
Anyway, despite my throat I was in a good mood, it was Saturday, football day! I checked the Ladbrokes website and put a few little wagers down. There’s something about betting on football that always gets me excited, I just can’t contain myself. I love it nearly as much as football itself. I don’t know what it is about English fans: they only care about goals, but for me, I love it all, the corners, the cards, the number of throw ins, it all just makes me want to shout out loud! With my adrenaline racing, I made my way to Stamford Bridge to see Robbie and his boys play Spurs.
Just got home and the game was amazing! It finished 0-0 and nothing much happened but I thought it was heart stopping entertainment all match! Not sure if everyone agreed with me though, couple of people shushed me in the corporate box and that idiota with his iphone from Paddy Power sneered at me when security told me to calm down. Honestly, these people think they like football, they don’t even cheer when an offside is given. My philosophy is: if you’re excited, the audience is excited, so if I’m super excited, then the crowd will go wild! You could learn a few things from me Motson.
I came home and my wife was cooking my favourite meal for dinner. I was jumping for joy! There’s something about good food that gets me sooo excited! I was ecstatic, and to top it off, when I went for a shower and balled up my socks and threw them at the laundry bin on the other side of the room. The first one sailed in, I praised the Lord, my heart raced as I took aim again. I threw it and time seemed to slow down, the sock looped through the air and to my horror bounced on the edge of the basket. I swear my heart nearly stopped, adrenaline coursed through my veins. It bounced again, and then, amazingly, dropped right in.
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES,” I shouted, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLL!”
I got in the shower still smiling to myself. When I got out my wife said that the neighbours had complained again about the persistent noise. Some people just need to lighten up. I thought I’d better smooth things over with them so I went over to apologise. When I got there they were watching a film on their home cinema system. There’s something about home cinema systems that gets me really excited. I started celebrating with the couple and they didn’t look happy, when I tried to kiss the man on each cheek in joy, he took a swing at me. I ran out of the house, half scared, half full of joy, and as I got on to the lawn my emotions took hold and slid on my knees and punched the air.
We had dinner and my wife went straight to bed, I had a great time, first Match of the Day and then the Football League Show. I went to bed over the moon. Better get some rest I suppose, I’ve got a really awesome day planned tomorrow!