Because stuff needs talking about.

What I don’t get is….

…When people can’t make tea.

It’s a pretty simple process isn’t it?  Ok, maybe in terms of drink making it’s a little harder than average, but in the grand scheme of things, adding water and milk (maybe sugar if you’re that way inclined) to a teabag isn’t really that taxing.

But some people just don’t get it right, and I’ve no idea how.  There are few more disappointing things than being offered a brew but instead receiving an abomination in a cup.  Seeing as my tea making skills are second to none, I can only guess at the procedure which takes place for those unskilled in the art, but what I do know is that the bastardised fluid that sits in these unfortunate cups, is only tea by a technicality.

Erm…yeah cheers mate.

So, to save you all from being disheartened by a diabolical brew, here’s a useful guide to terrible tea.

1:  The Brown Film:  I don’t know how people manage to make this occur and cling to the sides of the cup, but this mystery tea residue is an early indicator that something has gone awry. Seriously though, how can you make skin on tea?

2:  Thickness:  If you’re brew looks like you could turn it upside down and it would stay in the cup, someone’s screwed up big time.  It’s like these people have been using cream or something!

3:  Cup Fullness:  Have you not noticed the size of the cup?  Were you just not looking when you poured the water in or do you just not care that you’ve only served me a half cup?  Honestly, if people aren’t bothered about leaving a monumental gap between tea and cup rim, then chances are they don’t care about the tea at all.  Tut tut.

4:  Sugar Content:  Not yours, but theirs.  If they have three or more sugars in their tea then do not accept anything they offer you!

So you have been warned people, look after your tea, and your tea will look after you, whatever that means.

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