Because stuff needs talking about.

Top 5 Unfortunate Sporting Names

For some reason or other, I have found myself in a bit of a sporting mood recently.  So, with inspiration taken from the hours and hours of watching people I’ve never heard of playing sports I didn’t know existed; here is my top five of unfortunately named athletes, and yes I’ll even throw in a list of all those poor souls who didn’t quite make it.  Enjoy!

At least the kid got the joke.

5. Lee Bum-Young:  This ingenious hyphenated wonder could have remained hidden for years if it wasn’t for a certain penalty last night.  It can be taken two ways (giggidy); some of you might choose to condemn LEE for his paedophilic double barrel moniker whereas others might adopt the ‘has off to him, he’s started early’ response with a look of sex-related respect.  However you see it, you must thank Great Britain for entering a football team in this year’s Olympics, without which this gem might well have slipped through the net.

4.  Phil Pfister:  Dear dear, now this is an unfortunate one.  A name with of the subtlety of…well fisting I guess.  And just to make sure it’s stays fresh in your mind way after witnessing this guy benching cars and planes and buildings and all kinds of unimaginable stuff on World’s Strongest Man, he’s even got the alliterative first name to top it off.  The only thing that can make this terribly unfortunate occurrence any worse, is when you the size of that guy’s hands.  Jeez.

3.  God Shammgod:  Wow!  How often do you think this guy goes to church?  I can’t possibly imagine how this name came about but at least the crowd is left under no illusion whether this chap is a follower of the faith.  This former NBA point guard must have thoroughly enjoyed his away games through the hugely god-fearing bible belt, if only the oppositions felt the same fear, he could have been a legend for more reasons than one.  As it is, I’m pretty sure that the only record this blasphemous baller holds is for least shirt sales at the merchandise stands.

2.  Misty Hyman:  Cheers Mom and Dad.  This is easily the most successful, terribly named athlete on our list having won gold in the swimming at the Sydney games in 2000.  But with success comes notoriety, and that might not be completely welcome when your name sounds a totally uninviting lady garden.  To be honest though with THAT surname, even the most normal of first names isn’t going to help much, somebody put a ring on her finger quick!

1.  Gaylord Silly:  Here he is; number one.  Well, in this competition anyway.  Gaylord (yes it is a real name, and we just thought Meet the Parents made it up) is a Seychellian…Seychellese…is a long distance runner from the Seychelles and legend amongst the running world, and you know it isn’t for his ability.  What an absolutely brilliant name though, yes it’s less rude (and blasphemous) than the others but the combination of a completely outrageous first name which frankly borders on child abuse, and the overly mild expression of shenanigans, is, well, just downright silly.  Apparently when he’s not racing he works as a tree surgeon in France, as well day-maker for anyone who happens to flicking through the ‘T’ section of the French yellow pages.  All I can say is, if I was French home-owner with an unruly garden, I’d be the happiest man in the world.

So there it is, my list of unfortunate sporting names and I must admit it’s been a joy to research this one.  As promised here is a list of those unlucky candidates who didn’t make the cut:

Dean Windass – Ex Premiership Footballer and nightmare to be behind in a queue

Stern John – Ex Premiership Footballer and generally angry man

Saatanan Saatana – Slovakian Ice Hockey Player and the devil incarnate

Dick Trickle – Nascar Legend and spokesman for Tena Man

Phyllis Mangina – Women’s Basketball Coach and unluckiest woman in the world

Dick Felt – Former Boston Patriots defensive backer and overly friendly team mate

Rusty Kuntz – Ex Baseball Star and unpracticed lover

And Finally…

Kim Yoo Suk – South Korean Pole Vaulter and big self-hater.

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