Top 5 Knobhead Students
Students are often seen as a single entity to direct hate towards by those who are unfortunate enough to work but if closer attention was paid, people would start to realise there a big divides within the student community and each clique have their own extra reasons for hatred. Here’s my top 5 of the worst. Sadly, I am probably guilty of some, if not all, of the traits portrayed by these people. Can’t beat a bit of self-loathing though can you?
5. The Van Wilder: For those of you who don’t know the film, these are the people who have been at uni forever and have no plans to stop anytime soon. Yes, it is awesome doing what you want and living tax free but stop taking up all the places for the young folk, there comes a time where you will reach the age of too old and stop being the cool guy who knows all the best places to go out, but that weird guy who hangs around with teenagers. Nobody wants that.
4. The Fun-Haver: These people come in two sub-genres; real and pretend fun-havers. The real fun-havers are inexplicably capable of getting hammered one night, and then doing it again and again and again. It’s like real life ‘Skins’. Also they often always have friends who work everywhere (probably due to how much they get on it) so they constantly get free entry and tickets in advance and annoying shit that us regular, hangover-getting folks never seem have. The pretend fun-havers are more concerned about their Facebook profile and how this portrays their life. These people will have the craziest pictures of them bungee jumping and meeting famous people, and of course jumping in the air on the beach (can’t show off your crazy life any better than that!) but in reality their always really boring and just hold on to the coat tails of the real fun-havers, purely for the pictures. You’re just kidding yourselves you damn phoneys!
3. The Traveller: Now these people actually do have real fun, and you know this because you will hear nothing else from them except about their time travelling. I think most of my anger towards this people is driven by jealous but I don’t care, I understand how magical East Asia is, and how it really makes you put stuff in perspective when you meet the locals. Honestly, if I go to Thailand and I’m not altered spiritually or mentally I’m going to feel a bit like I’ve been sold queer giraffes. The best travellers though are the people who go to Australia for a couple of weeks and come back with a fake accent in tow. That’s serious commitment to the traveller douche image their guys, hats off.
2. The Sports Student: Might have been slightly influenced on this one by going to a predominantly sporting uni but honestly, they’re some of the worst people. No, you don’t need to wear flip flops and shorts all year round, you are not doing sport 24/7. No, I don’t want to hear you boasting about how sick you were after your night in Tiger Tiger, and that you’ll definitely still be going out later though. And no, I don’t want to hear about your horrible homoerotic initiations and team celebrations, especially while I’m trying to write an essay in the computer room! You are not due respect just because you play rugby, and just because you wear a tracksuit all day long does not make you some kind supreme being, you are just testosterone in short shorts (and flip flops) stumbling towards the end of your degree in nothing. If this is not enough read this article: http://carnalnation.com/content/40795/898/welsh-rugby-players-pickle-after-gherkin-incident
1: The Know-It-All: At the complete opposite end of the spectrum to the jocks, these self-righteous bastards ruin lectures and all the coolest pubs wherever you are. They stroll into lectures with an undeserved swagger and proceed in talking over and contradicting the lecturer. If you know more, then why the hell are you here? I suppose after the years of bullying throughout school, they finally get their moment of parity, despite the hatred radiating from everybody in the room. Signs to watch out for with these people are; male, unshaven wear one of those long, black, felty coats that a poet would wear, wants to be a poet, drinks coffee all the time, and stinks of tobacco. Worst of all, if you’ve got one of those kind of lecturers as well, nothing will happen every single day except the two of them spouting shit ideas on inconsequential issues with no conceivable way of reconciliation which therefore renders the whole hour long debate being utterly pointless as well as mind numbing.
So there it is; another list done. Students aren’t all bad though, just most a lot of them.
Think you would have done things differently? Give me a comment.