It’s brilliant that we live in such a diverse world where so many different ideas and varieties of entertainment can be taken in by the willing public. There are a few though, some inexplicable, nonsensical, lack lustre leisure activities that have somehow made their way in to the hearts of many on a far too regular occasion. Here is a list of some of the main offenders:
5. Tarot Readings: With all the science and knowledge in the world today it’s amazing that this money spinner is still paid for and, in an alarmingly high number of cases, believed in. The fact that in France and Italy the cards are used for a regular card game says it all, but somewhere along the way people have stopped and thought, “Hold on, this hand I’ve been dealt for this game purely by chance really relates to my life and my future, probably. Why has no one realised this before!?” Because it’s bollocks, that’s why. The public though, likes to believe, and believe they will.
4. Karaoke: There is no greater disappointment than going to the pub with your friends for a few relaxing drinks, only to discover that it’s a bloody karaoke night, even worse if you’ve already bought your drink before you realise, and if the only table left is the one right by the speakers. Gutted. Most people who can’t sing don’t really like to celebrate that fact, but others revel in it, for the amusement of others. But the worst is the half talented performers who take it too seriously and think they’re doing everyone a service by trundling through ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ with all the emotion drained out of it. These mildly talented people are the bane of karaoke, not bad enough to be funny, not good enough to be impressive, just there, to take up the valuable minutes of your life and serve up malnourished versions of soulless pop songs. If you’re really lucky, you might get some middle-aged guy singing ‘Angels’, but only if you play your cards right.
3. Hypnotism: A very, very strange concept for entertainment. Here we see a person losing all control of their actions and being forced in to highly embarrassing situations, much to the hilarity of the somewhat sinister crowd. I’m pretty sure that if this was the Harry Potter world, you’d get put in jail for that kind of shit. The volunteer must obviously be a fan of the act, or just so starved of attention that they want to make a fool of themselves in front of a room of strangers, the ridiculous part of it is though that by putting themselves at the mercy of the hypnotist, they then miss the whole act which they have paid to see. What a waste.
2. Human Statues: What is the point? I mean really, why is this seen as a worthy act which is deserved of spare change? If you have ever given money to these fake marble fools then I hope you are aware that you have paid someone to stand still. And what’s worse, by paying them, you are allowing them to move. Surely, the longer they stand still the more “impressive” it gets and therefore could be worth more but by going down that route the pseudo-sculpture would never “earn” any money. What a shame. Anyway, to all you fraudulent figurines, standing still does not count as work, and no one will be fooled by a man wearing a sheet with a painted face, standing outside Carphone Warehouse.
1. Mime: Why, why, why would anyone want to see someone pretending to do everyday tasks while they do their Saturday shopping. I don’t know about you, but watching someone pretending to touch a wall just doesn’t really do it for me. Call it a lack of imagination and humour but I’m not that fussed about seeing a man fake eating a banana. And call me a bore but I’m certainly not overawed with watching a one-man, fictitious tug-of-war. It’s just stupid, that’s all, and a waste of eyesight. It has to be top of the list because no one gains anything from it occurring. The audience leave disappointed at witnessing the most mundane of actions be faked in front of them, and the mime artist themselves haven’t got anything worthwhile done because they’ve been faffing about all day phoning it in.
So that’s it, a list of time-wasting, pointless forms of “entertainment” for you to boycott, for your viewing pleasure. Hopefully this list can bring you more excitement than the bullshit it focuses on.